I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
