i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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