If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
