When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
