I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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