hell yes lets make some ravioli
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he was CRYING into my vagina
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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