There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
