well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
