I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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