i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
