Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is the high leading the old right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Randomize
