My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's official drugs can't kill me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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