Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
