Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
