Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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