dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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