is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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