He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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