Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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