It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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