there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just made out with a guy for $7.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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