i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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