saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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