What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize