Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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