So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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