I hate your face
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
