you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
