You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize