I love black thongs
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
