Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
