The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
