Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
