i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
