mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
