I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
