Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
