you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
