This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize