Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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