yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
