Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
