I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
