Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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