i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
