I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
