There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
