I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
