i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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