you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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