She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
