Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
