and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
