took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
