I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
