i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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