Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
