you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
