Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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