haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
