Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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