ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
