i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
