I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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