you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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