i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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