Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
