So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
