his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The Olympian is in my bed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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