If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
