Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
