exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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