Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
