My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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