Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
