I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
