Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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