just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
