My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He passed out mid-signature
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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