omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
