She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
