quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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