bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
