Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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