She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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