I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
