Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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