he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
