its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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