Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
