Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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