hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Panties = found
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