My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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